There but for the Grace of God Go I...

This phrase has been stuck in my head for a couple of weeks now.  I kept asking myself why?  Its attributed to John Bradford (distant relative) being spoken as he watched prisoners heading to the stockades, but some are not convinced of that valid attribution.   As likely as it could have been spoken (or not), the meaning is clear - Watching the suffering of ones who have made painful choices and errs and knowing that all that keeps you from being them is God's Grace or your faith in action in the belief in God's Grace.  

God's grace and mercy are wonderful things, but all too often difficult to personally assimilate into our hearts.  Why, in our natural state, do we all at times (some more than others) feel so unworthy of God's love and grace?  We are his creations and He is perfect.

Our natural man so wants to defeat our spiritual man and there we have the struggle of earthly existence.   I do know that I have been given a gift from a very young age, understanding God's individual care and love for me.   I guess he thought I needed it.   What is my struggle is accepting his help and grace at times when I feel like I should just manage on my own and figure it out all alone.   I forget that He wants to help me too, not just those I think need the help more at that particular time.  Gosh,  a good friend reminded me today that God does have the ability to manage it all - unlike me - who can't multitask very well any more.  He is and will continue to be the ultimate multitasker!

So no matter what, God's plan is bigger than I know and see and his grace is there to carry me through.  I don't have to go it alone - He's got my back!

Full Circles

Our move to Columbia, for me, has been about coming full circle.   Its been quite a retrospective period of time and I am finding recently, that writing seems to be the best expression of the observations.   I turned 50 too, so I guess thats a substantial ingredient in this recipe of retrospection.

This weeks thoughts have melded toward what is real and what is not real.   I had a very wise pastor who once told me that in looking for purposeful, long-lasting relationships, that the key ingredient was to come to an understanding that no matter what and no matter who, you will be disappointed at some point in time.  It cannot be avoided.   How you deal with the disappointment is really what defines your character and integrity.  Pastors/Shepherds can be very wise people sometimes!

Now, disappointment comes in all degrees.  We are disappointed our children refuse to clean their rooms, or continue to eat in the living room when we remind them its against the rules.   There are bigger disappointments, when children and friends make poor choices, that have consequences that cause them to struggle harder than is necessary and then we all know there are the big disappointments.  In today's culture, some of those disappointments are automatic "deal breakers".   We give up, walk away and don't look back.

Now be patient with me and follow my train of thought here.  In my retrospection this week, I have thought about the Savior and his teaching us about forgiveness.  More importantly, I have thought about Heavenly Father and as his child, how does he handle me when I have really disappointed him?  Does he walk away from, give up and never look back?  OR, does he counsel me on my err, (reprove with sharpness) and then put his arms around me and (or sometimes in the form of those we have even disappointed) and show an increase in love.  It is only when we walk away from our Father in Heaven that we run into bigger issues.

Now, with that perspective on the ones that disappoint, its also a perspective on what we can do as the disappointed ones.   If those we care for, our friends, children, loved ones, disappoint us, even with deep disappointment, its our responsibility to pattern our response after the Father.  Reprove with sharpness (clarity) - that means boundaries, honesty all done with as much grace and graciousness as one can muster.  Then, as we work together as families and friends, show the increase of love that is needed to reach the other side and rejoice in goodness and mercy!

Some disappointments take longer than others.   Patience is needed.  But love, hope, and faith, these three, can change both the one who has disappointed us and those who have been disappointed.

The Time Has Come...

Tom is out of school and has found a new and hopefully, long-lasting job with IBM.  We are relocating one last time back to, of all places, Columbia Missouri.

Tom is already down there and loving it.  I am still here in Wisconsin, packing up a house and riding the ever so steep and rocky wave called home purchasing.  That process, in and of itself, could be a blog post and maybe when its all said and done, I can relieve it more humorously.  Right now, I have to say, that its worse than haggling over a car, and we all know how much I hate that!   The negotiating part will be over in the next few days.  If we survive that and continue on, then we close Nov 23rd, the day before Thanksgiving.   Ill take a new home as my birthday, anniversary, Christmas present - for sure!

For now, I pack boxes, clean a house, wade through a half century of collected stuff, blog, do homework, and walk a daughter through planning a wedding AND miss my family. I will have had enough alone time to last me for awhile, so we can look on it with that positiveness!!

I will forever Bucky - but it is great to be back in Tiger country!

I can only imagine

I have been having weird dreams lately.  Those odd ones that you just cant let go of?  The ones that are riddled with twisted reality, but then seem to hold a nugget of truth to help you figure out a problem.  Those kind.  I guess the one from this morning had me thrashing about so, that it woke up Tom.   In return for waking him in the wee hours of sunrise, we were able to have one of those lazy Saturday morning talks, in the middle of the week.   Life has gotten away from us, with all the commotion that lazy morning talks have happened less and less.   But back to the subject at hand, the dream….what resulted was his contributing perspective to the series of dreams and being able to come to an understanding that I wouldn’t have  had (or it would have taken me longer and more animated dreams on my own) without his input. 

So, the day wears on and on facebook, I notice a link to a Wynonna performance of my favorite contemporary Christian song, “I Can Only Imagine”.   This woman must have been sharing a wave length with me.

One adaptation to her message – not broken, but broken wide open….

I can only imagine... and oh how that fills my soul!