Purposeful Living

I think that sometimes we get so caught up in life's activities that we forget we are here not just to do, but to me, to experience life.  I have heard many tell me that through these last few years of financial and personal struggle, sometimes life is just about "enduring".  Everytime I heard that, I thought in my head, "yeah, yeah, right, right - you really dont know what to say".  I know - attitude, its my Achilles.   However, the thoughts still swam around in the liquid jello called my brain and the other day it all seemed to solidfy.  Yes, there is the enduring part - but really its about purpose.  I found my personal prayers switching from "help me to get through this" to "what is my purpose? I just want to have purpose?"  Almost (literally) the second I made the switch in my thinking, the purpose presented itself.  Now, I am sure that the purpose was lingering there all along, but I had done nothing to help realize it, make it possible, open myself up for it to embrace me.  I was too much in myself to notice that there was something more than me ...

Dont get me wrong, its okay to have the woefulness, to feel our sorrow, to recognize that life has pummeled us with a whole truck load of lemons (WAY too many to make lemonaide).  But we cant sit under the pile, tread water in mirk - its not physicially, emotionally or spiritually possible to do that.  We drown in all those same ways.  We get out of, sit on the side and breath for a moment, acknowledge that we have just pulled ourselves out of the worst junk possible.  Then find the nearest shower, (I prefer a very long, very hot one) and step out in the cool breeze and look toward the purpose.  It will be there, waiting for you, I promise.

The time has come...

In a week, the last chick will have made the first leap out of the nest.  He'll still have a few more milestones to cover before he takes off and soars in August, but the wings are strengthening and boy is the desire to leap ever so strong!  I dont know whether to cover him with my wing or nudge him out with my beak.  I guess it depends on the day.  Today was a day I just wanted to cover him up and keep him in the nest, for just a little while longer. 

Today, I also finished my first block of classes.  They went very well and I know that I am on the right path.  It keeps unfolding little by little.   I sort of feel a little like the last chick - starting to see that someday I too may fly this particular nest of 24/7 motherhood.  Its a little scary.  As mom's we have put off, held back, stored in the closet, all the "selfish" dreams of our youth and now that there is the potential to have the time, effort and most importantly, the ENERGY to realize them, we're a little scared.   Dreams are good - its the fruition of the dreams that takes some determination.  I finally think I understand the old adage that "youth is wasted on the young" - its not necessarily the energy (or lack there of) - but the fearlessness.  When you are young you are totally unaware of your fearlessness (it can easily evolve into recklessness - so be careful).  A little older, a few life lessons and we hesitate.  This time, there isnt a momma bird with a beak, poking over the edge, at least for most of us. 

Today, I am grateful for my husband's nudge - its been a whole lot better than my mother's!