Patience seems to be the predominant lesson for our entire family. The most obvious area of patience is with me, not just my being patient while "they" (the myriad of doctors and professionals) try and figure out what is causing so much pain, but also being more patient with my children and husband; with my children and husband being more patient with me, a grumpy mother who doesnt like being limited in any way imaginable; with Jeremiah learning patience with himself; Nicole having patience in begining her new season of life as she very shortly ventures off into the world; again, all of us seem to be learning patience.
I seem to be awfully testy lately. Not just with my back, but with presidential candidates; with the media who think I am more interested in Lindsey Lohan than the state of health care in the U.S.; with the unknown neighbor who is stealing my little pond gnomes; with the gnats buzzing around my doors cause I live closer to the lake; you name it, I seem to be annoyed with it. I thought, shoot, why is all of this bugging me! (sorry, no pun intended toward the gnats!)
Patience, yup, I have none, but more importantly, I have no peace. No peace in the moment. I am not being present. Okay, so you say, its kinda hard right now to not be frustrated. Gas is $4 a gallon, food prices are through the roof, we all know someone who is loosing their home, have lost their job; life looks pretty bleak. My back hurts! I cant do what I want to do, so we have a right to be testy, to be irritated, to be worried, to be impatient. We want things to change and we want them to change now. Then I asked myself, where is this getting me? I only get more frustrated, more angry, more restless, more irritated. Great. That's good. Makes for a lovely family environment (sarcasim there people). It gets me, it gets us nowhere.
What is this thing called patience? What is it that causes us to need to learn to be patient? What are we fighting against when we are fighting patience? I have thought a lot about that these last two weeks. For me, for my family and I think maybe for us all, when we are confined, limited, when we dont have access, cant control, feel helpless, we become impatient, frustrated. We want to change things and we cant. I have honed in on feeling confined, limited, frustrated and not in control. I want to change the circumstances now, but I cant. What have I not been doing, finding peace in being present in the moment. Wow, that sounds a tad bit like "patience".
What if I started being present, being peaceful. That old mantra of "the power of positive thinking". What would that look like? As for my back, well, pain meds are a good thing! They actually help. Politics, I have a choice, I have a voice. The man stealing my gnomes, I bought some more ($1.00 Walgreen ones) and am going to put a sign that says take these, the others are now bolted down! I look at my kids and think, you have the world at your feet, hurray, and so many choices. I have a job and one that I can even work at with the health problems I have. The hubby has a job for now and if not later, the skill to get a job and not be out of work. But most importantly, my faith. I have my faith. I know that I have been taken care of before, I have always been taken care of and I will continue to be taken care of, that WE will be taken care of. I remember that how He takes care of me has always been better than how I have taken care of myself.